Wow! Its been a long time since I posted on my own blog. Where have I been?
Doing everything but what I should - I have neglected my health, my soul and my friends. Well watch out everyone! I am on my way back.
I love the fall - I love the cool weather, the colors, the smells and the laughter. I love cuddling in a sweater, watching a fire with a glass of wine and being outdoors. I love the fall flavors - the squash, pumpkin pies, casseroles and snuggling under the comforter.
Exciting times are ahead - Waterfall's baby is due in less than a month; there are birthday's galore include the celebration of the birth of our Lord; work is crazy busy as usual at this time of year; and time with family is more frequent.
Life is what we make it - will someone always remind me that I need to stop and ...
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Visiting Hawaii was wonderful. I would never have imagined a place so beautiful, a people so friendly or a peace so inviting. We had a wonderful time.
This wonderful time was followed by a crazy time in Orlando. Work called and I answered. I can't complain though because I scheduled it.
Now I am back to work for a week only to be followed by surgery on my foot. I'm scared but know that I must go through with the surgery if I am to experience life the way I want to.
I am thankful for everyone around me - my husband, my children - natural and step, my mother and sisters - natural and through marriage, and my friends. More importantly - I am thankful for the ones who have been in my life and no longer are present on earth.
Life is precious - breathe, enjoy, experience but handle with care.
This wonderful time was followed by a crazy time in Orlando. Work called and I answered. I can't complain though because I scheduled it.
Now I am back to work for a week only to be followed by surgery on my foot. I'm scared but know that I must go through with the surgery if I am to experience life the way I want to.
I am thankful for everyone around me - my husband, my children - natural and step, my mother and sisters - natural and through marriage, and my friends. More importantly - I am thankful for the ones who have been in my life and no longer are present on earth.
Life is precious - breathe, enjoy, experience but handle with care.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Hawaiian Days & Nights
So, my wonderful Mosey and I are preparing for our long awaited honeymoon. We are heading to Hawaii in 21 days! The excitement is starting to build. We are planning securing our home, taking care of our mail and our pets, traveling to the airport and what clothes we will take.
But more importantly, we are planning how we will spend this time together. It is important right now that we do this. We've been through alot in the past year and a half together. Mosey is a wonderful man. He works hard. I hope he can relax with me and enjoy our days together.
Tomorrow - what new plans have we made! I think we'll need to investigate some heavy duty sunscreen.
But more importantly, we are planning how we will spend this time together. It is important right now that we do this. We've been through alot in the past year and a half together. Mosey is a wonderful man. He works hard. I hope he can relax with me and enjoy our days together.
Tomorrow - what new plans have we made! I think we'll need to investigate some heavy duty sunscreen.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
April 15th is here!
As any good bean counter/tax preparer will tell you there is no better day than April 15th (as long as it falls on a non-holiday weekday). It is the day that we realize that we will once again be gaining life.
Our eyes will no longer squint at the light of the sun. Eye squinting is, of course, due to the fact that we arrive at work long before the sun rises and leave well after it sets. We could be confused with vampires if it were for the lack of receding hair lines. Oh wait...most men bean counters do have receding hair lines. So maybe there is no difference. Good thing we don't all work for a governmental tax office.
Our skin will no longer make white copy paper look tan. We will be able to achieve a natural tan without the use of tanning beds and lotions. We will have a rosy look to our cheeks without the use of cosmetics and our eyes will shine in our faces instead of being shadowed with dark circles like a raccoon.
Our muscles will start to show. The fat on our bodies will start to melt away because we can once again get outside an play. Our fingers and hands will get a well deserved rest along with our rear-ends.
But better yet, we will get to know our loved ones again. Being a bean counter/tax preparer allows us to look at our relationships new each year. Its like falling in love all over again. We get to know our loved ones and our loved ones get to know us.
So...the butterflies in my stomach can be from the excitement of seeing my 24th tax season come to an end or from the excitement of falling in love with my husband again. I choose the latter.
Our eyes will no longer squint at the light of the sun. Eye squinting is, of course, due to the fact that we arrive at work long before the sun rises and leave well after it sets. We could be confused with vampires if it were for the lack of receding hair lines. Oh wait...most men bean counters do have receding hair lines. So maybe there is no difference. Good thing we don't all work for a governmental tax office.
Our skin will no longer make white copy paper look tan. We will be able to achieve a natural tan without the use of tanning beds and lotions. We will have a rosy look to our cheeks without the use of cosmetics and our eyes will shine in our faces instead of being shadowed with dark circles like a raccoon.
Our muscles will start to show. The fat on our bodies will start to melt away because we can once again get outside an play. Our fingers and hands will get a well deserved rest along with our rear-ends.
But better yet, we will get to know our loved ones again. Being a bean counter/tax preparer allows us to look at our relationships new each year. Its like falling in love all over again. We get to know our loved ones and our loved ones get to know us.
So...the butterflies in my stomach can be from the excitement of seeing my 24th tax season come to an end or from the excitement of falling in love with my husband again. I choose the latter.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
A Glorious Day of the Lord
Today is Easter. The day our Saviour is risen. Praise be to God. Mosey and I decided that we would experience an Easter in nature. We went on a hike from Wayah Gap, looped around Silar Bald shelter, then back down once again. The sky was a beautiful blue, the tempurature was in the 50's and the company was excellent. God presented us with a wonderful day to experience him in an untraditional setting.
Yes, I know its Easter. And tradition and the Church tells us that we should be in church. But I have never cottoned to those individuals that never grace the doors of a church except for Easter and Christmas (C & E'ers we call them) and after the deaths of my brother in friend in a matter of days, I didn't feel in the mood to experience the "social" aspect of Mass. It would have been wonderful if it could have been God, the priest, Mosey and me only, but alas the church was probably busting at the seams.
I love God and I know He loves me! And I know in time I will be ready to go back and spend my time with Him and talk to Him. But for today, I needed to take care of myself and my family. I know that this is God's way of taking care of me.
He is allowing me time to come to terms with all that has happened. A shut down is necessary. The pain is more than then heart can bear.
Yes, I know its Easter. And tradition and the Church tells us that we should be in church. But I have never cottoned to those individuals that never grace the doors of a church except for Easter and Christmas (C & E'ers we call them) and after the deaths of my brother in friend in a matter of days, I didn't feel in the mood to experience the "social" aspect of Mass. It would have been wonderful if it could have been God, the priest, Mosey and me only, but alas the church was probably busting at the seams.
I love God and I know He loves me! And I know in time I will be ready to go back and spend my time with Him and talk to Him. But for today, I needed to take care of myself and my family. I know that this is God's way of taking care of me.
He is allowing me time to come to terms with all that has happened. A shut down is necessary. The pain is more than then heart can bear.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Friday Night Delight
It is wonderful. My Mosey came home early from his walk about Fontana. It is good having him home. What it is about being in a relationship that you need your breaks but once you've got one you don't want one anymore?
Mosey's walk about was ended abruptly by severe storms. I wasn't worried about my hikery man because he is well experienced with nature, was walking with two other hikery friends, and was prepared for inclement weather. Sad thing is Mosey's offspring felt I should go and retrieve him from his big adventure.
Question is - how do you find someone in the Smokey Mountains that doesn't have a lojack or any other kind of tracking device? And how would my mature husband feel if I went running after him dragging him home behind me? And what would be the odd of me being able to even know where he's at? Sure I have his starting and ending locations, but there's a great deal of space in between. And what about his ego - I mean he was hiking with two other gentleman friends. What would they think of him or his neurotic wife?
Better question is this - what are his offspring thinking about me to make demands that I go and retrieve their father from what he wants to do? And what does this show of their confidence in him?
This man raised his family. He used to go away and work for weeks on end away from them. He's been hiking for years and was in Viet Nam during the conflict. He saw battle, took lives, gave lives. He goes on hiking trips locally alone and is capable in many ways.
So why when he goes on an extended hike do his children feel that he needs to be rescued? And how can they demand that his new wife grant their wishes? What kind of respect do they have for me to make those kinds of demands? And how am I supposed to respond? Do I react in anger, conform to their wishes or just ignore them?
I do exactly what I did today. I confirm that their father is quite capable, I explain the circumstances involved with trying to find him, I reassure that he is not alone, and I ask how they would want me to proceed.
But I am still confused as to why grown children feel that the man who raised them, is still quite competent and in full faculty of his senses would feel that he needs rescuing and that I am incapable of making sound decisions as to his welfare.
Only time will tell.
Mosey's walk about was ended abruptly by severe storms. I wasn't worried about my hikery man because he is well experienced with nature, was walking with two other hikery friends, and was prepared for inclement weather. Sad thing is Mosey's offspring felt I should go and retrieve him from his big adventure.
Question is - how do you find someone in the Smokey Mountains that doesn't have a lojack or any other kind of tracking device? And how would my mature husband feel if I went running after him dragging him home behind me? And what would be the odd of me being able to even know where he's at? Sure I have his starting and ending locations, but there's a great deal of space in between. And what about his ego - I mean he was hiking with two other gentleman friends. What would they think of him or his neurotic wife?
Better question is this - what are his offspring thinking about me to make demands that I go and retrieve their father from what he wants to do? And what does this show of their confidence in him?
This man raised his family. He used to go away and work for weeks on end away from them. He's been hiking for years and was in Viet Nam during the conflict. He saw battle, took lives, gave lives. He goes on hiking trips locally alone and is capable in many ways.
So why when he goes on an extended hike do his children feel that he needs to be rescued? And how can they demand that his new wife grant their wishes? What kind of respect do they have for me to make those kinds of demands? And how am I supposed to respond? Do I react in anger, conform to their wishes or just ignore them?
I do exactly what I did today. I confirm that their father is quite capable, I explain the circumstances involved with trying to find him, I reassure that he is not alone, and I ask how they would want me to proceed.
But I am still confused as to why grown children feel that the man who raised them, is still quite competent and in full faculty of his senses would feel that he needs rescuing and that I am incapable of making sound decisions as to his welfare.
Only time will tell.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Hard part about blogging
is when you have an editor friend. You just know that what you write is being scrutinizeed. But...it does tend to make one write better.
So thank you, my editor friend, for making me step up and out of my own dribble and write like an educated individual.
I appreciate you!
So thank you, my editor friend, for making me step up and out of my own dribble and write like an educated individual.
I appreciate you!
Easter Egg Cozy
Today there was an Easter Tea andKnit party at the local yarn shop. The ladies there, Virginia and Kristen are so lovely. Mary and I used to frequent the shop most every week. We loved going in and touching the yarns, seeing the finished products completed by crafters so much more talented than myself. We discussed the yarns and the patterns and Mary encouraged me to expand myself. She wanted me to teach her to knit. I'll miss sharing with her. Perhaps I can use my knitting as a goal to help further the cause that Nina and I are going to format.
But I digress. Today I went to the Tea Party. There must have been about 30 women there. Virgina and Kristen opened their arms to me and expressed their grief at my losses. I just love that shop. It is going to be so hard to not walk over and buy more yarns... Perhaps I should prepare though because I will be having foot surgery in June. I will need projects.
At any rate, I was given a kit to make an Easter Egg cover. I wasn't able to start my cover while in the store but I did make it when I got home from my walk today. I love the yarns. The new yarns the store has in stock are delightful. I hope to pick up a few skiens to make some of my projects. And the colors - remind me so much of nature and are made of natural fibers. I should be able to work with them better than wool (less allergens).
My cover is so cute. My daughter loved my little egg cozy. She took a picture of it with her phone to send to her phone. This is a great idea of left over yarn. I could make them up in a night and stockpile them for Easter.
But yet perhaps the world will be filled with Easter Egg Cozy's. I may need to find another quick pattern to use for leftover yarns. All ideas...welcome.
But I digress. Today I went to the Tea Party. There must have been about 30 women there. Virgina and Kristen opened their arms to me and expressed their grief at my losses. I just love that shop. It is going to be so hard to not walk over and buy more yarns... Perhaps I should prepare though because I will be having foot surgery in June. I will need projects.
At any rate, I was given a kit to make an Easter Egg cover. I wasn't able to start my cover while in the store but I did make it when I got home from my walk today. I love the yarns. The new yarns the store has in stock are delightful. I hope to pick up a few skiens to make some of my projects. And the colors - remind me so much of nature and are made of natural fibers. I should be able to work with them better than wool (less allergens).
My cover is so cute. My daughter loved my little egg cozy. She took a picture of it with her phone to send to her phone. This is a great idea of left over yarn. I could make them up in a night and stockpile them for Easter.
But yet perhaps the world will be filled with Easter Egg Cozy's. I may need to find another quick pattern to use for leftover yarns. All ideas...welcome.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
The Clearing of a Mind
My mind has been in such a fog for the past 10 days or so. There was so much that happened and I couldn't wrap my senses around everything that had happened. There was so much of a problem coming to terms with Jamie's and Mary's deaths. Both were so young. Jamie was only 53 and Mary a mere 28.
I've been working hard at maintaining life ~ going to work, trying to stay focused, taking care of my family, exercising~ but everything has been so difficult. I move papers from position to position. I work on CPE and transfer quickly to reading forum posts or blogs. I have avoided the news and other depressing items. I haven't necessarily responded to emails from friends as I should and I just generally am surviving.
In my quest to exercise I have been determined to stay active. Mosey, my husband, left for a three day hike around Fontana Lake. This could be the perfect time for me to clear my thoughts, reconcile myself to God, and get life back on track. Yes, I know this could be quick, but when you have a full faith in the Lord, good common sense and and know that what you are feeling isn't necessarily right, you need to make tracks to get things straight.
So tracks I made. While at work I was trying to find reasons to avoid going for a hike. I mean work needed me, right? But my friend, Waterfall came over and checked on me. I told her that I was trying to complete things so as to go for a hike and being the friend that she is, she opened my eyes to the fact that work could wait. I needed to get out and go. So I finished a couple of emails, punched out and left the building!
Heading up the trail was difficult. My mind was so fuzzy. I had talked to my friend, Mike, yesterday and he encouraged me to go for the walk and talk. The first part of the walk was hard. My mind was every where but not where it needed to be. Finally I shook my head and said "Ok, God, I'm listening." But I really didn't listen - I just kept doing the same thing. I guess I was avoiding facing the real issues in my heart.
It was cold on the mountain, but I got overheated. I had to stop and take off my jacket. I guess the cooling allowed me to cool my mind as well. My mind opened up and I believe God helped me work through some of my pain.
Jamie and Mary were wonderful to me and I love both of them dearly. Their deaths have upset me greatly. Jamie's because of the connection he gave me to my entire life and that he is the only person that has known me from my birth and Mary because of the budding friendship that has been squelched by a drunk driver! I realize that the timing of their lives is not for me to decide and it only adds to the pain of others for me to suffer so. Jamie and Mary had a purpose on this earth as do I. I don't know what their purpose is, but now they may know mine. Jamie and Mary more than likely achieved their purpose even if the end results are not known by us. It could be years before their purpose comes to full fruition.
Jamie was a wonderful son, brother, husband, father and grandfather and especially a friend. He touched many lives and brought to awareness the pain of his cancer and the depth love can have. He taught many boys to play baseball and basketball and mentored many young men in the ways of a gentleman. He showed to others the love of his wife, was dedicated to our mother and showed support for me. He was my cheerleader, advisor, confidant, listener and friend. In just that he may have served his purpose, but I know he was like this for more than just me. Perhaps that was what he needed to do, but if it isn't, then maybe one day it will be revealed to me.
Mary defined the meaning of a woman. She was a gentle soul, yet tough in mind and spirit. Slight but strong, intelligent and compassionate. Mary knew how to survive in today's world. She applied herself fully to everything she attempted. She succeeded in the corporate world yet discovered true meaning in life's simple things. Computers didn't intimidate Mary but neither did gardening, crocheting, sewing, cooking or music. She knew her way around a business world, but relished getting in touch with nature. Mary listened when other's needed her ear and spoke with confidence on subjects she knew well. Mary always had a smile ready to give to everyone and lived life as we all should. If Mary was this way to me, for sure she was with others as well. And maybe that was her purpose. Again, if it wasn't it may come to light in the future.
But as I said, it is not for me to question the timing of everything. It is important for me to realize that these two very special people touched my lives in ways that no one else could. And I need to always remember them in a positive light.
Jamie and Mary gave to me so much of themselves. It would be my shame if I didn't find ways to make lasting tributes to these two people who loved me so well.
Thank you God for talking to me and helping to clear my mind. Let's talk more tomorrow, shall we?
I've been working hard at maintaining life ~ going to work, trying to stay focused, taking care of my family, exercising~ but everything has been so difficult. I move papers from position to position. I work on CPE and transfer quickly to reading forum posts or blogs. I have avoided the news and other depressing items. I haven't necessarily responded to emails from friends as I should and I just generally am surviving.
In my quest to exercise I have been determined to stay active. Mosey, my husband, left for a three day hike around Fontana Lake. This could be the perfect time for me to clear my thoughts, reconcile myself to God, and get life back on track. Yes, I know this could be quick, but when you have a full faith in the Lord, good common sense and and know that what you are feeling isn't necessarily right, you need to make tracks to get things straight.
So tracks I made. While at work I was trying to find reasons to avoid going for a hike. I mean work needed me, right? But my friend, Waterfall came over and checked on me. I told her that I was trying to complete things so as to go for a hike and being the friend that she is, she opened my eyes to the fact that work could wait. I needed to get out and go. So I finished a couple of emails, punched out and left the building!
Heading up the trail was difficult. My mind was so fuzzy. I had talked to my friend, Mike, yesterday and he encouraged me to go for the walk and talk. The first part of the walk was hard. My mind was every where but not where it needed to be. Finally I shook my head and said "Ok, God, I'm listening." But I really didn't listen - I just kept doing the same thing. I guess I was avoiding facing the real issues in my heart.
It was cold on the mountain, but I got overheated. I had to stop and take off my jacket. I guess the cooling allowed me to cool my mind as well. My mind opened up and I believe God helped me work through some of my pain.
Jamie and Mary were wonderful to me and I love both of them dearly. Their deaths have upset me greatly. Jamie's because of the connection he gave me to my entire life and that he is the only person that has known me from my birth and Mary because of the budding friendship that has been squelched by a drunk driver! I realize that the timing of their lives is not for me to decide and it only adds to the pain of others for me to suffer so. Jamie and Mary had a purpose on this earth as do I. I don't know what their purpose is, but now they may know mine. Jamie and Mary more than likely achieved their purpose even if the end results are not known by us. It could be years before their purpose comes to full fruition.
Jamie was a wonderful son, brother, husband, father and grandfather and especially a friend. He touched many lives and brought to awareness the pain of his cancer and the depth love can have. He taught many boys to play baseball and basketball and mentored many young men in the ways of a gentleman. He showed to others the love of his wife, was dedicated to our mother and showed support for me. He was my cheerleader, advisor, confidant, listener and friend. In just that he may have served his purpose, but I know he was like this for more than just me. Perhaps that was what he needed to do, but if it isn't, then maybe one day it will be revealed to me.
Mary defined the meaning of a woman. She was a gentle soul, yet tough in mind and spirit. Slight but strong, intelligent and compassionate. Mary knew how to survive in today's world. She applied herself fully to everything she attempted. She succeeded in the corporate world yet discovered true meaning in life's simple things. Computers didn't intimidate Mary but neither did gardening, crocheting, sewing, cooking or music. She knew her way around a business world, but relished getting in touch with nature. Mary listened when other's needed her ear and spoke with confidence on subjects she knew well. Mary always had a smile ready to give to everyone and lived life as we all should. If Mary was this way to me, for sure she was with others as well. And maybe that was her purpose. Again, if it wasn't it may come to light in the future.
But as I said, it is not for me to question the timing of everything. It is important for me to realize that these two very special people touched my lives in ways that no one else could. And I need to always remember them in a positive light.
Jamie and Mary gave to me so much of themselves. It would be my shame if I didn't find ways to make lasting tributes to these two people who loved me so well.
Thank you God for talking to me and helping to clear my mind. Let's talk more tomorrow, shall we?
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Totally Disinterested!
So 2009 has not started off as a stellar year. Just before the beginning of the year my brother was told that there was nothing that could be done for his cancer. We (my husband (I'll explain later) and children) travelled back and forth to Anderson, SC just about every weekend for two months. Then in March when my brother came back from Houston, I was over there almost the entire time.
Jamie died on March 28th. The good thing - we became much closer than we already were. The sad thing - we became much closer than we already were, which means I'm going to miss him so much more. I am at peace with his death because Jamie
Then my friend, Mary Couey, was killed in a car accident after having been to my brother's wake. We had dinner with Mary and our friend and co-worker, Waterfall just hours before her death. We talked of plans to spend more time together after tax season finished and of making some hikes, just us girls. It was a wonderful time even in light of my brother's passing.
Trying to figure out how to make a lasting tribute to Mary, but not sure how to go about it. Waterfall and I are thinking about something to teach young girls about hiking and the ins and outs of it. Mary would have liked that, but Mary liked so many things we could do just about anything like teaching gardening, hiking, camping, cooking, reading, music - you name it. What an amazing woman she was. Mary - I miss you so much! I had no idea the impact you had made on my life in such a short time.
I just can't seem to shake the sadness that has overtaken my body. I do little things, but for the most part and like a road leading no where. There is no direction in me.
I took the roses from my brother's casket flowers that my sister-in-law gave me in a bouquet and am attempting to root them. We're going to plant them in the yard along with the rose bush that my step-daughters gave me and the Shasta daisy seeds I got at Mary's memorial service. Its going to be my tribute to those I've loved and have gone before me. I might have to add some tomato or green bean plants in honor of my dad!
Life's hard right now, but I think that writing and connecting with those I love will help. Let's just wait and see what happens.
Jamie died on March 28th. The good thing - we became much closer than we already were. The sad thing - we became much closer than we already were, which means I'm going to miss him so much more. I am at peace with his death because Jamie
Then my friend, Mary Couey, was killed in a car accident after having been to my brother's wake. We had dinner with Mary and our friend and co-worker, Waterfall just hours before her death. We talked of plans to spend more time together after tax season finished and of making some hikes, just us girls. It was a wonderful time even in light of my brother's passing.
Trying to figure out how to make a lasting tribute to Mary, but not sure how to go about it. Waterfall and I are thinking about something to teach young girls about hiking and the ins and outs of it. Mary would have liked that, but Mary liked so many things we could do just about anything like teaching gardening, hiking, camping, cooking, reading, music - you name it. What an amazing woman she was. Mary - I miss you so much! I had no idea the impact you had made on my life in such a short time.
I just can't seem to shake the sadness that has overtaken my body. I do little things, but for the most part and like a road leading no where. There is no direction in me.
I took the roses from my brother's casket flowers that my sister-in-law gave me in a bouquet and am attempting to root them. We're going to plant them in the yard along with the rose bush that my step-daughters gave me and the Shasta daisy seeds I got at Mary's memorial service. Its going to be my tribute to those I've loved and have gone before me. I might have to add some tomato or green bean plants in honor of my dad!
Life's hard right now, but I think that writing and connecting with those I love will help. Let's just wait and see what happens.
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