Totally Disinterested!

So 2009 has not started off as a stellar year. Just before the beginning of the year my brother was told that there was nothing that could be done for his cancer. We (my husband (I'll explain later) and children) travelled back and forth to Anderson, SC just about every weekend for two months. Then in March when my brother came back from Houston, I was over there almost the entire time.

Jamie died on March 28th. The good thing - we became much closer than we already were. The sad thing - we became much closer than we already were, which means I'm going to miss him so much more. I am at peace with his death because Jamie

Then my friend, Mary Couey, was killed in a car accident after having been to my brother's wake. We had dinner with Mary and our friend and co-worker, Waterfall just hours before her death. We talked of plans to spend more time together after tax season finished and of making some hikes, just us girls. It was a wonderful time even in light of my brother's passing.

Trying to figure out how to make a lasting tribute to Mary, but not sure how to go about it. Waterfall and I are thinking about something to teach young girls about hiking and the ins and outs of it. Mary would have liked that, but Mary liked so many things we could do just about anything like teaching gardening, hiking, camping, cooking, reading, music - you name it. What an amazing woman she was. Mary - I miss you so much! I had no idea the impact you had made on my life in such a short time.

I just can't seem to shake the sadness that has overtaken my body. I do little things, but for the most part and like a road leading no where. There is no direction in me.

I took the roses from my brother's casket flowers that my sister-in-law gave me in a bouquet and am attempting to root them. We're going to plant them in the yard along with the rose bush that my step-daughters gave me and the Shasta daisy seeds I got at Mary's memorial service. Its going to be my tribute to those I've loved and have gone before me. I might have to add some tomato or green bean plants in honor of my dad!

Life's hard right now, but I think that writing and connecting with those I love will help. Let's just wait and see what happens.